INSECURITIES OF A GIRL

Insecurities in a relationship are inevitable happenings especially from the side of a woman. Most women, no matter how they present themselves to the outside world, have been seen to have a few nagging uncertainties especially when it comes to dating. Indeed, the dating world can be rough, and while men also have their share of insecurities, they tend to stress about very different things. There are certain generalized phrases that may actually seem true and since you have put that at the forefront of your mind. You tend to have negative reasons why any affair you have will not always last long.

Looking at this literally, being a girl is sometimes really tough, and sure, guys get insecure from time to time, but girls either have more insecurities or just more open to discussing them. I mean, girls get insecure when their hair does not come out the way it should or when they dress in a comfortable way, yet people keep stirring at them awkwardly as though they are the worst dressers the world has ever known. However, their predominant insecurity lies in the hands of guys. A girl could see this really cute guy that would actually want to have a thing with her but then, this very strong feeling of cheating always keeps smashing their heads and gets them really scared. ‘I can’t devote all my love and attention to you just like putting all my eggs in a basket and then you come from the blues and break my crate’ is the thought of various women. Wow! You never want to experience it.

It could be perfectly acceptable to casually date more than one woman at the same time but Nah, it can’t work for me. Personally, I always get paranoid with the fact that these men never actually mean love, they just want to lay hold of that which is in between my legs and he acts to soon or too good to be true, girls get really suspicious and annihilate  the whole relationship even when what he felt for her is genuine. All that is needed is absolute sincerity and reciprocation of love because that is the only way you actually keep a girl going as your bae for as long as time tells.

-Okeze Stephanie

 

The Past Remains the Past Always

I cannot afford to fail, it cannot happen again. The semester’s exam was near, it was just one week away and I always have this exam failure because of my past I had failed so many times but I was surprised that I was failing because in primary school I was one of the best down to junior secondary school.

Well, it all started in senior secondary school when I started going out with boys I would date, like 5 boys at a time (thinking I was a boss) not knowing what I was getting myself into. I would spend my night chatting with different boys at a time instead of reading. I also had the ones that I called money banks {maga}. It was not that my parents were poor but obviously they would not give me enough money to satisfy my need. So I did all these things and forgot the type of person I was supposed to be. I mean, the smart and intelligent part of me was being used only on the boys.

This made me so dumb and careless and that marked the beginning of the failing part of my life. My academics dropped woefully. This made me really scared because even when Igained admission into the university, I was not still doing well no matter how badly I wanted to do well. This happened for three good semesters and I already made up my mind that it cannot happen again because my past cannot define me.

I hold on to what awaits me. I hold on to my future which is already here, my past is my past and it remains my past.

-Daisi Flourish

Stood Up

The day was coming to a close it was getting darker and darker and I had not seen my boyfriend Johnson. I was at my close friend house faith, waiting for him. He texted me that he would come over to see me, I had not seen him for days and I already missed him so much despite how angry I was I still missed him badly and I really wanted to see him.

I was scared I would not see him because my dad already called that he was on his way to pick me. I thought my dad was going to send the driver so I would make an excuse that my friend, faith, wanted me to sleep over. But apparently it turned out that he was the one coming, so I planned to use the same excuse on him which I doubted and it turned out the way I thought so I went home angry at the fact that Johnson did not come to see me and he did not bother to text me and the fact my dad shouted on me because I told him I wanted to sleep over.

On our way home I did not say a word to him because I was very angry even when he wanted to stop for ice-cream and pizza I said no so we went home straight, on getting to the house I greeted my mum with a very low tone but she did not hear me so she thought I did not greet her she then asked me why I did not greet her and I answered rudely she got up with an angry face came to where I was and gave me a resounding slap that I would never forget for generations to come.

I went to my room crying that night not only because of the fact that I received a resounding slap from my mum but for the fact that my dad shouted on me that same night and Johnson did not come to see me and he did not text me either.

-Daisi Flourish

Trapped

Love is a prison that no one escapes from

Like a criminal, I am in your prison

When I look at you, I feel like ice cream on a sunny day

Your eyes are like spears, piercing through my very soul

I always look forward to seeing your eyes smile from your cheek

Your love sent waves of joy that calmed my sorrows

You are always so bright, you make the sun seem like it’s trying so hard

Oh my love! My love burns like the intensity of a red hot flame

My love is a prison, and you can’t be bailed from it

-Avoseh Sesi Mogbekeloluwa

CUT US SOME SLACK

Growing up in a Nigerian society, on the Island and going to a good school, having amazing parents, financially comfortable and all, may all seem like wow! She has everything.  Well yes, some people might say that at first, but then at a second glance it is not all that, when you have a sickness that you are constantly tagged with. I am SC genotype, you might be wondering SC? Is there anything like an SC genotype? Well yeah and it is what I have.

So let me shed more light on my genotype, since I have noticed many people actually are not aware of it, and it is really not taught in biology classes, so basically, SC variant is when one gene is mutated to the S form (as mentioned above) and the other is mutated to the C variant, which is also abnormal. Again, people with just one hemoglobin C mutation usually do not experience any medical issues from it. Even if both hemoglobin genes are mutated to the C form, usually only mild anemia results. For people with one S and one C mutation, called sickle cell-hemoglobin C, they have less episodes of their blood cells clumping together than do people with SS, so they have less pain crises. However, they also have more significant degeneration of bone, retinopathy (degradation of the retina), and increased risk of experiencing priapism. Again, it is important for you to see your doctor if you suspect that you have either of these conditions, in order to be appropriately tested for them and treated if necessary.

Well yeah, it is not as bad as the sickle cell anemia, but just having that genotype tagged to your name is. As a teenager in secondary school, life was not easy for me, most people where ignorant of my genotype and when they didn’t understand, they automatically termed me as a sicker which I am not, and because of this, I had to be given ‘special preference’, special preference is good in times of trouble and maybe other times but I DID NOT LIKE IT AT ALL. I am not a sickler and I actually do not get sick regularly, yes I have body aches and joint pains at times, but I never actually had a crisis. I am not trying to discriminate or insult sickle cell anemia patients, the SS and SC genotypes are similar and SS patients actually face a lot and I am so sympathetic because I can actually understand them, but I am just trying to make a point known that I am not that fragile, and I can actually do most things healthy teenage girls do.

I used to get special preferences a lot, and a kind of exclusion from normal activities in school, which I could actually do. For instance, I was not allowed to participate in sports, even sports like just golf or tennis in school, and I was actually good at those sports. My teachers never allowed me, even though I explained time and time again. I was practically termed as feeble and inability to do anything apart from my academics, and it was really depressing.

People need to be educated both on the SS and SC genotype and not only the SS, there is no awareness made for SC genotypes. A lot of effort has been put into awareness but still ignorance prevails, Sickle cell Anemia patients actually have a life, they can do stuff, some are so active and unless the occasional crisis, you might not have an idea. If some sickle cell anemia patients can do this, how much more SC patients, who are more active and do not usually have crisis. This genotype (SC) also needs to be brought to light, people need to know the difference, people need to understand and enlightened. We should not be rejected some certain jobs; just because generalizations were made, an SC person can do so much more than people are limiting us to, we actually have an advantage and we can do much more than a SS patient. So please cut us some slack, cut both the SS and SC genotypes some slack.

-Avoseh Sesi Mogbekeloluwa

 

I’M WATCHING MY WEIGHT

Everyone in today’s society is on a diet. Everyone is trying to cut down even the non-clumsy ones want to cut down. Almost every woman is going the’ ketogenic’ way so they could burn down some calories and lose some weight which is quiet an interesting sight. Nowadays, many people have open gyms because most gyms are regularly flooded with women from all works of life who want to get the right body structure and maintain their figure eight bodies so  they could get that guy who would “put a ring on it”(wonders.com). From the look of things, most of us engage ourselves into certain things just because they are trending or because are friends are involved into it. The one million dollar question is, why all of this stress? Why kill yourself over “dust” as radical Christians would say.

Bloggers however seem to be the most beneficiaries of these slimming regimes. They have seized the opportunity and become automatic health consultants and nutritionists. Aunty Buki, my own neighbor woke up this morning and told me that she had become a food specialist. This is a woman who was into trading and I kept pondering on how she came about with the fatal exchange. While trying to process Aunty Buki’s breaking news, Mr. Femi walked into my office telling me about his wife’s new food menu and how she had decided to include every single member of the family into her “keto” diet. . ‘My wife has transformed the whole house into a ‘ketogenic factory’ Mr. Femi exclaimed in displeasure.

It is quite interesting that even secondary school folks have joined the league. It was reported that an SS3 student went to school without school provisions on the basis that she was watching her weight. (Give me a second please, is your weight a movie? Anyway happy watching.)

 The “ketogenic” women from my research are a group of women who have an objective of having an experience of the sweet sixteen’s life once again. In order to achieve this, they deprived themselves for starchy foods such as garri, cocoyam, yams, cassava, rice, spaghetti and many others yet they maintain their soups. According to my research, these women have got a substitute for all of these. Some of them use garden egg or cabbage to make their swallow. Some even go as far as living strictly on vegetables and water. Could this be a fast? Or a compulsory subject? (Jamb question).

For the lazy ones, slim tea is the way forward. They would prefer to have the world’s teas on their tables rather than go the “keto” way. As at last week, I heard that a 33-year old mother of 2 had passed away as a result of kidney failures caused by one of these teas. It is understandable that women want to look good but going to the extent of killing yourself is unimaginable.

Some women have actually used the “keto” platform to regain their healthy lives. Some of them who as a result of child birth had gained excess weight and ended up with clumsy looks have used the “keto” diet to actually watch their weight and flee from certain killer diseases such as obesity, diabetes, cancer and many others. Whatever the case, it is important that wisdom be applied to every single thing we do. Do not follow the crowd aimlessly but let wisdom direct and guide you.

-Lenga Daisy

Dad, Where Are You?

I have never known what it means to have a relationship with the male figure referred to as ‘father’. I have always know that a father was that man who came home every evening with so many gifts for me and mummy always said “Baby, Dad is here. Go on say hello”. To me, it was a complete drama because I didn’t know this man except for the fact that I was to call him “Father”.

I thought I was the only one in such a situation until I met Juliet. Juliet always told me how she loved her mother so much because “Dad doesn’t like us” she always said “ He doesn’t like staying with us at home.” I really didn’t care if Dad loved me or not because I hardly knew him. He was always away from home. Today I was told he was in Ghana, the next day France, the next week UK and the next month Spain. Who was he looking for in all those places? I really never bothered. By the way, my dad wasn’t the only one who didn’t stay at home. I had many in my shoes so I wasn’t bothered.

Many have shared the same experience. We have been brought up into families where Dad was almost never around. He was either at the office or on a trip in order words, he became a ghost daddy. The issue at hand looked so minimal but the absence of our fathers in our lives has kept a void in us. This is because we grow up being so addicted to mummy with little or no knowledge about the man who had been in charge of our bills from our genesis.

As time went by, I made a decision to get to know him. I wanted reasons for his absence. I wanted to know why he was never around and I came to realize that the problem had never been our fathers but us. Society has placed men in a very strategic position which has indirectly rendered them slaves in a modern world. According to society, for a man to be respected, he had to prove that with his possessions, the caliber of schools his children attended, his wife’s ‘packaging’ and so on (excluding the goal which is the character and personality of his children). No man unless he is a scammer would be able to meet up with these expenses if he seats in the comfort of his house. You always hear fathers say a little sleep a little slumber. A little folding of hands and poverty would come crawling like a thief. Does that mean you should die without getting to have a taste of your labour?

Society, please leave our fathers alone. Enough of your prangs on us. You (society) have rendered us fatherless even before the departure of our fathers. You have enrolled our mothers into the department of widowhood (while their husbands are still alive). You have deprived us from the joy of having a father because of your selfish opinions. For ages now, we have lived incomplete lives because of the absence of our fathers.

Testimonies from others are of the same nature. I am Mabel Okafor and my Dad is a Medical Doctor. From the moment I was a child, I already got used to the fact that I could only spend the day with my Dad on Sundays because it was either a patient had one thing or the other. I am Timothy Frederick and the only thing I know about my father is that I bear his surname, Frederick. He is a pilot and works abroad. We talk on Skype and he showers mum and I with money. Asides that I know nothing about him, not even his favorite football team. If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

If our fathers do not build us from the foundation, we shall make drastic mistakes which could have been avoided. Ladies go into marriage without learning from the father’s the expectations of a man in marriage. Men also get into relationships without their fathers giving them lessons on how to treat a woman.

 Enough of all this drama, I am going out there to bring my dad home. I am tired of the possessions, the money, the cars, you name it. All I know is that, I am not leaving without my Dad.

-Lenga Daisy

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES: ARE THEY REALLY EFFECTIVE?

Do they really work? Great question.
It is quite obvious now that every copy produced will most likely have incentive stimulus in it, to portray a meaning that is beyond the surface of the context. Many people believe that products, goods and services are not likely to sell if there are no provocative instincts to buy them. Due to that, advertisers now send messages that are beyond the literal meaning to appeal to the subconscious minds of the consumers.

Funny how even in movies, children cartoons, on billboards and posters, subliminal messages are very pronounced. I really feel this is indecorous and unnecessary because rather than passing a true meaning of that which they want publicized, they implant bad seeds in the minds of the readers, viewers and/or listeners. Children are prone to character modification based on the things they see, hear and feel and children obviously love cartoons not to mention teenagers and their love for movies.

With this in mind, what are we going to say about the fact that we are unconsciously damaging the minds of these children? And the unfortunate thing is that we can’t deprive these kids from what they gain pleasure in doing so if you say you want to stop a child from watching cartoons, you will eventually bore the child to death. The most painful part is that we can’t really pinpoint subliminal messages even while we are looking at them.

Reality has it that this mechanism spreads activation in your semantic networks. Your next question will probably be how? Okay, here is how it works; the manufacturers of these message puts all odds in their favour by influencing individuals to think of a particular thing not by mentioning a relative concept but by mentioning a bunch of semantically related ideas which triggers multiple associations and increases the spreading of activation which boosts the chance of the individual to think about what you want them to think of.

The problem is not the fact that it is hidden, but the fact that these messages usually mean something negative and always show tendencies of influencing the minds which will later evolve and cause a change in behaviour.

OBODOEZE MIRACLE OYINYECHI

BURIED IN YOU

In a world of pain,

a world we came to be

lots of unknown, there is

around we search

our place of confidence

mountain of escape

view of motivated truth

slowly I  searched

saw but didn’t find

in you; in your everything was me

the wind blew, you vanishing before my eyes

in more shattered pieces was I left

what a feeling

to see not find

to lose; getting lost yourself

slowly again I search

braver. stronger. fiercer.

yesterday, to be revisited

but maybe forever gone’s the moment

yet, compared to you is nothing

my place of confidence

mountain of escape

view of this heart

the best of myself is buried in you

                                                                                                                                  TUMBA JEMIMA 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quotes by Seweje Pelumi V

“Solve the problem to create the reality.”