I have never known what it means to have a relationship with the male figure referred to as ‘father’. I have always know that a father was that man who came home every evening with so many gifts for me and mummy always said “Baby, Dad is here. Go on say hello”. To me, it was a complete drama because I didn’t know this man except for the fact that I was to call him “Father”.
I thought I was the only one in such a situation until I met Juliet. Juliet always told me how she loved her mother so much because “Dad doesn’t like us” she always said “ He doesn’t like staying with us at home.” I really didn’t care if Dad loved me or not because I hardly knew him. He was always away from home. Today I was told he was in Ghana, the next day France, the next week UK and the next month Spain. Who was he looking for in all those places? I really never bothered. By the way, my dad wasn’t the only one who didn’t stay at home. I had many in my shoes so I wasn’t bothered.
Many have shared the same experience. We have been brought up into families where Dad was almost never around. He was either at the office or on a trip in order words, he became a ghost daddy. The issue at hand looked so minimal but the absence of our fathers in our lives has kept a void in us. This is because we grow up being so addicted to mummy with little or no knowledge about the man who had been in charge of our bills from our genesis.
As time went by, I made a decision to get to know him. I wanted reasons for his absence. I wanted to know why he was never around and I came to realize that the problem had never been our fathers but us. Society has placed men in a very strategic position which has indirectly rendered them slaves in a modern world. According to society, for a man to be respected, he had to prove that with his possessions, the caliber of schools his children attended, his wife’s ‘packaging’ and so on (excluding the goal which is the character and personality of his children). No man unless he is a scammer would be able to meet up with these expenses if he seats in the comfort of his house. You always hear fathers say a little sleep a little slumber. A little folding of hands and poverty would come crawling like a thief. Does that mean you should die without getting to have a taste of your labour?
Society, please leave our fathers alone. Enough of your prangs on us. You (society) have rendered us fatherless even before the departure of our fathers. You have enrolled our mothers into the department of widowhood (while their husbands are still alive). You have deprived us from the joy of having a father because of your selfish opinions. For ages now, we have lived incomplete lives because of the absence of our fathers.
Testimonies from others are of the same nature. I am Mabel Okafor and my Dad is a Medical Doctor. From the moment I was a child, I already got used to the fact that I could only spend the day with my Dad on Sundays because it was either a patient had one thing or the other. I am Timothy Frederick and the only thing I know about my father is that I bear his surname, Frederick. He is a pilot and works abroad. We talk on Skype and he showers mum and I with money. Asides that I know nothing about him, not even his favorite football team. If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
If our fathers do not build us from the foundation, we shall make drastic mistakes which could have been avoided. Ladies go into marriage without learning from the father’s the expectations of a man in marriage. Men also get into relationships without their fathers giving them lessons on how to treat a woman.
Enough of all this drama, I am going out there to bring my dad home. I am tired of the possessions, the money, the cars, you name it. All I know is that, I am not leaving without my Dad.
-Lenga Daisy
THE NAMELESS BLOG 