A Boy For A Day

PLAYING PRETEND: IF I WERE A BOY

If I were a boy… I know how familiar that clause is and how much Queen Bey rings a bell in our ears. But for real, if I got the chance to be a boy, what would I do?

I’d date every girl on the street and maybe promise to marry every one of them. If I were a boy, I’d wear new boxer shorts every day because I’ll be too lazy to wash them every other day (shrugs). I’d wake up by 1pm daily because of my new identity, I mean this is Africa, only girls cook and do all the cleaning.

If I were a boy, I would constantly have to keep saying “I’m sorry.” I’d be sorry for always peeing on the toilet bowl, I’d be sorry for spending my JAMB form fees and more sorry for driving the only car my dad ever loved into a storey building, I’d be sorry for forgetting to send my girlfriend a good morning text. I’d be sorry for farting during family dinner and laughing about it, sorry for forgetting to chain the dogs after attacking my annoying neighbour and for anything and everything I do, I’d be sorry. Because I’m a boy, apparently everything is my fault and I have to apologize all the time to look responsible. I really don’t mean to do these things and I’m sorry.

If I were a boy, I’d grow and mature quickly so I can tell the most beautiful woman in the world how much of an amazing lover I am, show her I’m not a member of the scumbag association. I’d make her warm baths when she has cramps and tell her sorry a million and one times because I obviously can’t relate. I’d open the doors for her and watch her walk while flipping her hair. I’d make her favourite breakfast in bed and wrap my arms around her till she falls asleep. (I’m amazing yeah?)

If I were a boy, I’d hate to show my emotions. I’d never show my weak sides or even show I’m hurt when my WCW likes some other guy. I won’t stress over building muscles, girls would love me either ways. If I were a boy, I’d lick my lips often especially when a female lecturer asks me to speak in class. I’d try to survive, keep my spirit alive and care less about doing assignments.

If I were a boy, I’d lick a lot of lollipop because I got one life to be masculine, you know be masculine. Cheers to being a boy!  

                                                                                   -Iyunade Faith Ayomikun